For the past month or so I have been living a life of infidelity. As you all know, I was suspended twice and censored for having beliefs that differed from others. This is like when Galileo was imprisoned by the Catholic Church for believing the earth revolves around the sun. But I was not imprisoned inside my house. I was cast off and thrown into the cruel and dangerous world known as Earth.
It was a Friday and I was bored out of my mind. Kobe Bryant wasn't playing and I had just spent the past couple of hours watching Kobe Bryant videos and then the next one laying in bed thinking about Kobe Bryant. I needed to do something.
Suddenly, I heard my cell phone ringing. Little did I know this ring symbolized my death. I answered the phone eagerly and was greeted by the voice of one of the homies.
"Hey Phil Jackson we're going to a rave are you down?"
Curious. I had never been to a rave before but I knew I must get out of the house. I put on my Kobe Bryant shirt and my Kobe Bryant necklace
and I was off.
I arrived at the scene excited and hopeful. This spectacle of flashing lights, loud music and dancing monkeys with glow sticks was all new to me. I was sucked into a world of dancing and ecstasy. I observed my surroundings and noticed the guys were using their light sticks to perform some sort of ritual to attract girls.
"**** that," I thought. "I'll kill myself before I ever wave around a glowstick around like a dancing monkey to talk to a girl"
I was surrounded by a sea of dancing monkeys and ugly bitches. **** it, I just started dancing. I tried to dance to the beat of the song but my movements were very mechanical. I felt like an ass. Suddenly a girl stuck her hand out to me and said something. She was like a beautiful swan surrounded by ugly swans. Phil Jackson and Lauren had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. We danced and at that moment I let go and felt a wonderful energy inside me.
I looked into her eyes. They were like two deep pools of water with black dots in the middle. I looked down at her lips which were like two soft pillows pressed firmly but surely against each other. I looked into her eyes again. I closed my eyes and it was at that moment, I forgot everything--including Kobe Bryant. It was the first time I had ever kissed a girl and it was the 2nd most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my life right after everything Kobe Bryant related that I had experienced. We danced the night away in extreme passion and bliss. When the night finally ended I was disappointed but at peace. I did not know if I would ever see this girl again. "Don't get emotionally attached Phil," I told myself.
"Let's hang out again later!"
"What's your number?"
"What's YOUR number?"
(she gives number) "You remember my name right?"
"Yeah of course"
****. When she had first introduced herself to me the music drowned out her name and I didn't know what it was. I typed in the number and saved it as "Some Girl" on my phone. I texted her the next day. She seemed very excited to talk to me. I always thought raver girls were into one night stands.
This phenomenon was intriguing like all the formulas and statistics that one JordansBullsForever guy throws out when he tries to convince people that Michael Jordan is comparable to Kobe Bryant. I had never gotten this type of attention from a female before. We talked every day. It was very difficult to arrange a meeting with her because she lived an hour away. We decided to meet up at another rave.
I counted the days until the next rave. I forgot everything. I didn't know what day it was or who I was anymore. I think I missed a Kobe Bryant game. Finally, the day arrived. The area was large and filled with hundreds if not thousands of people. I saw her. And she saw me. We walked across the dance floor toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Jacksonville at 8:24 PM at a speed of 50 MPH, the other having left Boise at 5:13 PM at a speed of 60 MPH. When the two trains collided, their bodies exploded in an explosion of passion and lust.
We held each other closely, savoring every moment, knowing it would not last forever. It was almost over and that feeling of sadness came over me.
"Do you want to come home with me?"
I was happy again, now that our meeting would be prolonged by a couple of hours. We arrived at her house and sneakily tip-toed like three blind mice to her bedroom. Oh boy, I thought. This is it, I'm getting off the island just like Tim Duncan and Raja Bell. I was ready to go. I was on the ship and the captain had given orders to set sail. But we experienced technical difficulties and could not get the anchor up. Curse you ecstasy!!
I invited her to come over 2 days later. No technical difficulties were experienced and just as we were about to set sail, my brother came home.
This setback did not phase me as I was in no rush to get off the island. Little did I know that that would be the last time I would ever see her again...
We continued to text after that. Things were going great until after a couple of weeks when I felt like things were going stale. I felt it coming to an end but I did not want to believe it. I stopped talking to her after she flaked on me. I figured, if she was still interested, she would call or text and if she didn't then it was over. Ten days passed with no contact. I knew it was over but a part of me hoped...so I texted her to ask what happened.
My worst fears were confirmed when she told me I should just forget about her. Somewhere inside me, I could feel a faucet being turned on. The tears came down slowly at first. They came down faster and faster like raindrops during a thunderstorm. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I cried like a little girl. I couldn't even cry myself to sleep. I wanted to die.
"Why must I suffer like this?" I thought, until I came to a realization. I realized that I was experiencing what all non-believers of Kobe Bryant felt. I was suffering for their sins.
I was feeling really emo for a couple of days until I turned on the TV to see Kobe Bryant being presented with the MVP trophy and it was at that moment I was re-born and ascended. Kobe Bryant and I got onto a Harley and rode off into the sunset...