The two Greatest days of the year: Kobemas (8/23) and Kobe Bryant day (8/24)

I should have posted this last month but better late than never.

For 33 years be has graced us with his awesomeness. Despite countless wars and other negative aspects of life, these past 33 years have been the most prosperous and greatest years in he history of existence thanks to Kobe Bryant. We are truly blessed to witnesses to the Greatest of All Time Kobe Bryant. Let us celebrate his greatness with a few of our favorite Kobemas carols.


Kobe Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a Kobe Bryant powered slay
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A Kobe Bryant song tonight

Oh, Kobe bells, Kobe bells
Kobe all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a Kobe Bryant powered slay
Kobe bells, Kobe bells
Kobe all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a Kobe Bryant powered slay

Have Yourself a Merry Little Kobemas

Have yourself a merry little Kobemas
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Kobemas
Lebron James is gay
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Kobemas now


Deck the Halls

Deck the halls with boughs of Kobe
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season to worship Kobe
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our Kobe apparel
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
See the GoAT before us
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Strike the harp and join the chorus.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Follow me in merry measure,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
While I tell of Yuletide treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fast away the old year passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Sing we joyous, all together,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Heedless of the wind and weather,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


Kobe Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Kobe Claus is coming to town
He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Kobe Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Kobe Claus is coming to town
Kobe Claus is coming to town

The Twelve Days of Kobemas

On the first day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
A Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the second day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the third day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the fourth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the fifth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the sixth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the seventh day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the eighth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
8 Wades a bilking
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the ninth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
9 Laker girls dancing
8 Wades a bilking
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the tenth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
10 Lebronze a creeping
9 Laker girls dancing
8 Wades a bilking
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship Rings
4 Kobe Birds
3 Kobe Hens
2 Kobe Doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe Tree

On the eleventh day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
11 Lebronze overhyping
10 Lebronze a creeping
9 Laker girls dancing
8 Wades a bilking
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

On the twelfth day of Kobemas
Kobe Bryant gave to me
12 Jimmers jimmering
11 Lebronze overhyping
10 Lebronze a creeping
9 Laker girls dancing
8 Maids a Milking
7 Kobes a winning
6 Lebronze a failing
5 Championship rings
4 Kobe birds
3 Kobe hens
2 Kobe doves
and a Partridge in a Kobe tree

Kobemas is then followed by Kobe Bryant day. These two days are truly two of the greatest days of all time. It's the most wonderful time of the yeeeeeeeeeeear!

Merry Kobemas to all
And to all a good night

Ko! Ko! Ko!(be) Merry Kobemas!

Life Without Kobe Bryant and the Rebirth of Phil Jackson

For the past month or so I have been living a life of infidelity. As you all know, I was suspended twice and censored for having beliefs that differed from others. This is like when Galileo was imprisoned by the Catholic Church for believing the earth revolves around the sun. But I was not imprisoned inside my house. I was cast off and thrown into the cruel and dangerous world known as Earth.

It was a Friday and I was bored out of my mind. Kobe Bryant wasn't playing and I had just spent the past couple of hours watching Kobe Bryant videos and then the next one laying in bed thinking about Kobe Bryant. I needed to do something.

Suddenly, I heard my cell phone ringing. Little did I know this ring symbolized my death. I answered the phone eagerly and was greeted by the voice of one of the homies.

"Hey Phil Jackson we're going to a rave are you down?"
"Yes."

Curious. I had never been to a rave before but I knew I must get out of the house. I put on my Kobe Bryant shirt and my Kobe Bryant necklace

and I was off.

I arrived at the scene excited and hopeful. This spectacle of flashing lights, loud music and dancing monkeys with glow sticks was all new to me. I was sucked into a world of dancing and ecstasy. I observed my surroundings and noticed the guys were using their light sticks to perform some sort of ritual to attract girls.

"**** that," I thought. "I'll kill myself before I ever wave around a glowstick around like a dancing monkey to talk to a girl"

I was surrounded by a sea of dancing monkeys and ugly bitches. **** it, I just started dancing. I tried to dance to the beat of the song but my movements were very mechanical. I felt like an ass. Suddenly a girl stuck her hand out to me and said something. She was like a beautiful swan surrounded by ugly swans. Phil Jackson and Lauren had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. We danced and at that moment I let go and felt a wonderful energy inside me.

I looked into her eyes. They were like two deep pools of water with black dots in the middle. I looked down at her lips which were like two soft pillows pressed firmly but surely against each other. I looked into her eyes again. I closed my eyes and it was at that moment, I forgot everything--including Kobe Bryant. It was the first time I had ever kissed a girl and it was the 2nd most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my life right after everything Kobe Bryant related that I had experienced. We danced the night away in extreme passion and bliss. When the night finally ended I was disappointed but at peace. I did not know if I would ever see this girl again. "Don't get emotionally attached Phil," I told myself.

"Let's hang out again later!"
"Okay"
"What's your number?"
(gives number)
"What's YOUR number?"
(she gives number) "You remember my name right?"
"Yeah of course"

****. When she had first introduced herself to me the music drowned out her name and I didn't know what it was. I typed in the number and saved it as "Some Girl" on my phone. I texted her the next day. She seemed very excited to talk to me. I always thought raver girls were into one night stands.

This phenomenon was intriguing like all the formulas and statistics that one JordansBullsForever guy throws out when he tries to convince people that Michael Jordan is comparable to Kobe Bryant. I had never gotten this type of attention from a female before. We talked every day. It was very difficult to arrange a meeting with her because she lived an hour away. We decided to meet up at another rave.

I counted the days until the next rave. I forgot everything. I didn't know what day it was or who I was anymore. I think I missed a Kobe Bryant game. Finally, the day arrived. The area was large and filled with hundreds if not thousands of people. I saw her. And she saw me. We walked across the dance floor toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Jacksonville at 8:24 PM at a speed of 50 MPH, the other having left Boise at 5:13 PM at a speed of 60 MPH. When the two trains collided, their bodies exploded in an explosion of passion and lust.

We held each other closely, savoring every moment, knowing it would not last forever. It was almost over and that feeling of sadness came over me.

"Do you want to come home with me?"
"Sure!"

I was happy again, now that our meeting would be prolonged by a couple of hours. We arrived at her house and sneakily tip-toed like three blind mice to her bedroom. Oh boy, I thought. This is it, I'm getting off the island just like Tim Duncan and Raja Bell. I was ready to go. I was on the ship and the captain had given orders to set sail. But we experienced technical difficulties and could not get the anchor up. Curse you ecstasy!!

I invited her to come over 2 days later. No technical difficulties were experienced and just as we were about to set sail, my brother came home.

This setback did not phase me as I was in no rush to get off the island. Little did I know that that would be the last time I would ever see her again...

We continued to text after that. Things were going great until after a couple of weeks when I felt like things were going stale. I felt it coming to an end but I did not want to believe it. I stopped talking to her after she flaked on me. I figured, if she was still interested, she would call or text and if she didn't then it was over. Ten days passed with no contact. I knew it was over but a part of me hoped...so I texted her to ask what happened.

My worst fears were confirmed when she told me I should just forget about her. Somewhere inside me, I could feel a faucet being turned on. The tears came down slowly at first. They came down faster and faster like raindrops during a thunderstorm. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I cried like a little girl. I couldn't even cry myself to sleep. I wanted to die.

"Why must I suffer like this?" I thought, until I came to a realization. I realized that I was experiencing what all non-believers of Kobe Bryant felt. I was suffering for their sins.

I was feeling really emo for a couple of days until I turned on the TV to see Kobe Bryant being presented with the MVP trophy and it was at that moment I was re-born and ascended. Kobe Bryant and I got onto a Harley and rode off into the sunset...

Kobe Bryant and how he has influenced my life

I remember when I first became a true Laker fan in 1998. I was still a young child back then and growing up with no father figure, Kobe Bryant was the only adult male I could look up to. My father was a starving artist, who left us to go to New York to pursue his dream of having a career in women's fashion design. My step-father worked on an assembly line in a car factory installing the rear-view mirrors on cheap, mass-produced Mazdas. My step-father would womanize, he would cheat on my mom. He had a bit of an alcohol problem and would often beat me with an ice-cream scooper. Other times he came home drunk, he would accuse the squirrels in the chestnut tree outside our 2nd story apartment window of being socialistic communists.

On my 11th birthday, I received my first basketball. I used to shoot that little lopsided, worn-down Huffy ball for hours on end. I played numerous games of 1 on 1, horse, and around the world with my overweight friend, Diego.

At the age of 12, I saw my first Laker game. I was amazed and awestruck by Kobe Bryant. His flashy and athletic plays amazed me. I wanted to be loved by millions, just like him. I immediately became a fan from that point on. I would lay at night imagining myself being like Kobe Bryant. Then, as I dreamt, my mind would make those imaginings seem more real except I was seeing Kobe Bryant dunking ferociously on his foes.


That same year, I received my very own Kobe jersey. It was a yellow shirt with the sleeves cut off and the name Kobe taped onto the back. I use to wear it every time Diego and I would play. I would pretend to be just like my hero throwing down thunderous dunks and crowd-arousing cross-overs. I was Kobe Bryant. And Diego was Shaq.

I lost interest in the Lakers starting the 2005 season, however. My step-father checked into rehab and I was placed in foster care for 3 months until I was finally re-united with my family. My love for Kobe Bryant and the feelings I felt as a young child were re-awakened by the 81 point game, and I have realized how as I have grown, Kobe Bryant has also had changes. He is no longer that boyish hero with the flashy smile. He has become a callous gun for hire. I still see images of a young Kobe Bryant, whose hair resembled a dirty q-tip, in my head, just before I fall asleep...